A Nighttime Vigil
by Shadows de la Nuit
Summary: Jacob's thoughts as he watches Bella...and Edward...from afar. Post New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The wonderful and magical world of Twilight and New Moon sadly does not belong to me but to the talented Stephenie Meyer, but I love pretending that it does.

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I jumped up into the tree, making more noise than I would have wished. I could hear the leaves tremble with my passing and the branch I landed on buckle a little under my weight. But it held firm and I perched myself as comfortably as I could. I knew Sam and the others would know where I was before long, and what I was doing, but I didn't care.

Bella's window was invitingly open and I wished to myself that it was open for me. But it wasn't. Within moments that…bloodsucker would be in her room, holding her close like I never would again. _You don't know that, Jacob,_ I thought to myself. _She might realize how much she misses you and how much he hurt her. She deserves better…she deserves you. _My futile wishing, though, would do nothing to change the current situation. All I could do was watch from a far, wondering what fate had in store for me.

Did fate hate me so much? I was a werewolf, a creature. True, I could exercise more control than the others, I even had talents more far-reaching than theirs. But why? So I could loathe that bloodsucker even more than they did, and possibly be able to do something about it? I hated him. He had left Bella, undeserving of her love and forgiveness. He was a monster…in more ways than one.

I often dreamt of killing him. It startled and scared me. I knew I was capable of it, but I couldn't. How could I do that to Bella? How could I take from her what had caused her so much pain to lose before? No, I couldn't do that. It just wasn't fair.

Suddenly, the scent reached me. He was there, swiftly appearing in Bella's room, much to my chagrin and her happiness. Why would she never smile at me like that? I thought I had seen that smile, that smile of utter joy, when she had first come to me after he had left. I had entertained the notion that she might one day care for me as much as she had cared for him. But no, I had never truly gotten that smile. The smile I had gotten was a ghost of the one she reserved for him. It pained me to the core.

The bloodsucker looked around once he was Bella's room, his gaze eventually resting on where I was hidden. I remembered how he could read thoughts. Could he read them right now? Could he read the pain, the torture I was going through? Couldn't he put me out of it, either by leaving Bella forever or killing me himself? It had to be swifter than the depression that threatened to finish me.

For a moment, I thought I saw him look down, his face downcast and guilty, though a touch of anger was there, too. But then there was Bella. Bella was at his side, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder and he turned away, his expression softening and he smiled at her. Who was there to comfort me?

I had to leave. I knew in my heart that Bella was his, his forever. But why did she insist on damning herself? I couldn't forget how ill I had felt when she betrayed to me the depths of her love. She was willing to give up her soul for that fiend and become a monster herself. Yes, there was the treaty, but didn't she know that I wouldn't let anything happen to her? Even if she was…one of them?

I watched as Bella laid down for bed, the bloodsucker pulling the blankets around her and laying silently next to her. I saw her face alight with happiness and heard a small sigh escape her. It was too much. I felt my body ripple, the pain of transformation threatening to unleash the beast I tried so hard to resist. But I did, I resisted. I resisted for her. I was not going to be the monster.

Soon she was asleep, and I still couldn't make myself leave. I watched as the bloodsucker watched, wondering how he dared to be with her into the dark hours of the night. He just laid there and watched her, as if nothing pleased him more in the world. But soon I saw his tranquility replaced with concern, and I realized that I had been studying him more than Bella.

Bella had become restless. I saw her toss and turn violently, wishing more than anything that I was the one comforting her and whispering soothing words of love. But I wasn't. Once again, it wasn't me. I could only take pleasure from the fact that she did calm down, that the nightmare was over.

I strained to hear what had caused her so much pain. I wanted to hear more than anything that it was the bloodsucker, that her unconsciousness told her what her consciousness refused to believe – that he was evil. But I heard one word slip from her mouth… Jacob.

I smiled at hearing my name. I wanted to shout out loud, _See, you filthy bloodsucker! She doesn't dream about you! She dreams about me!_ But then I remembered her tumultuous tossing and turning. Had she been afraid for me, for my safety? Or had she been afraid OF me?

I left, not wanting to hear the answer.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I hadn't really planned to add to the initial chapter, but here's a little more of Jacob's thoughts that night. Thank you to all who have reviewed. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon.

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I ran hard and I ran fast. It only took a short while, though, for me to realize what I running from: myself.

I didn't want Bella to hate me, or be afraid of me. She couldn't think of me as a monster. Was she truly scared of me? I thought back; I didn't think she had been. She had wanted to hug me that day…she had been willing to enter my embrace before that bloodsucker held her back. It was all his fault. If he didn't exist, there would be no one keeping me from Bella now. I wouldn't be some kind of creature, forced by instinct to hunt and destroy. The 'Cold Ones,' and a certain one in particular, made my blood run cold and my heart feel as if it'd never melt.

Instinct and love…there could never be two stronger forces at work, and they were both at work inside of me. Instinct told me to kill the bloodsucker, and my love for Bella screamed for his death. But that same love tried to tell me that his death would only ruin Bella, a thought that pained me but kept me from doing what would be the worst thing I could ever do.

_Bella would hate me if I killed the bloodsucker, regardless if I did it for her. The treaty would be broken, thrusting my pack into an unnecessary war with the vampires. And I would have a…life… on my hands – an innocent life if what Bella said were true, if the Cullens really were good._ These thoughts kept me rational, kept me sane. They kept me from transforming.

I realized I had stopped in a part of the woods far away from Bella, and from La Push. I decided to lie down on the mossy bed and look up at the stars. It was a cloudless night, a rarity in Forks. Tonight, it was an unwelcome rarity. Stars were what you wished on, and I knew no matter how hard I wished, my wish would never come true.

_Think about him, Jacob_, I heard a voice in my head say. One might assume it was my consciousness trying to tell myself something, but I recognized the deep and richer tone of Sam's voice. I wanted to scream back, _How can I not? How can I not think about him and how much I hate his very being? _But somehow, I knew that wasn't what Sam meant. How could Sam want me to put myself in his shoes?

I didn't understand. Sam took Bella and the bloodsucker's relationship in stride, as if it were normal for a Cold One to be with a human, and not just any human, but Bella – as if it were safe, as if nothing could happen. When I questioned him, he merely said that we would keep an eye out for her, that we would do anything we could to protect her, as long as it was within the treaty.

_Fine_, I snapped back in my head. If the bloodsucker could read my thoughts and know how I felt, it was only fair that I should be able to do the same. Yes, it would take a bit more imagination on my part, but, I would figure him out. I would figure him out and only learn to hate him more because his actions and thoughts would surely betray him to be the monster he was.

I had little to work on. Bella hadn't told me much about their separation and I could never have pushed her about it – it didn't take brilliance, or even any love for her, to realize how much pain the mere thought of him brought. Ok, so point number one, if I were…him, I knew Bella loved me. I wanted to stop my role playing game there, relishing in the idea that Bella loved me. I still harbored the hope that she did, that she loved me in at least one way. But I remembered our last meeting, how I had betrayed her. How could she love me? How could I have messed up so badly?

Suppressing the emotional wave that the thought of Bella's love had washed over me, I tried to bring my thoughts back to the bloodsucker. I considered for a moment what he might think of himself. As a werewolf, I was consciously aware that I was a monstrosity. And, as much as I refused to believe it, I posed a danger to those around me, even Bella. Perhaps it would be giving him too much credit, but I decided that he might think the same – he might think of himself as a monster and a threat to Bella's well-being. _That's because he is!_ I screamed in my head. But I had to be fair. I thought about the pain that accompanied realizing I was a monster, and could do nothing about it. I also thought about the irresistible pull of transformation when Cold Ones were around…how all of my instincts shouted at me to destroy and kill. Was that how it was for them…but for human blood? I shuddered at the thought. No, it couldn't be. I thought how hard it was to resist transformation – the call for blood couldn't be that strong. It couldn't be. How could they resist if it were?

I quickly reran through my thoughts, putting myself in the bloodsucker's place. One, Bella loved me. Two, I was aware I was a monster. Three, blood was…tempting. I refused to think irresistible. It would be to give him too much credit, and if it were true, I couldn't handle the thought that he loved Bella enough to resist as I resisted transforming for her sake.

These points only brought about the worse one, though. The one that needed the most study, and, if were to do this right, the most objective study. He had left her. Why? Because he hadn't wanted her anymore? _Yes, that's right. He hadn't wanted her anymore and she didn't deserve his forgiveness. He didn't deserve it. He deserved to be left in misery, the misery that I'm being forced to suffer. He deserves this pain, not you._

Struggling to put those feelings aside, I tried to think of any other reasons for him to have left. Because he realized he was dangerous and didn't want to hurt her? Maybe. It was possible, but if it were true, it were really, truly true, he wouldn't be back. If he loved her enough, he wouldn't be back. He would stay away, far away, where he could never hurt her again and she could have someone else by her side to comfort and protect her…and love her.

Silent tears were running down my cheeks before I realized it. Trying to understand the bloodsucker just made the realization that Bella wasn't mine, and never would be mine, all the more painful. So what if he was good? It didn't matter. She would still never be mine. If he were good, yes, I didn't have to be as afraid for her as I would have to be if he were bad. I could be happier for her. But I wasn't. How could I be happy that the person I loved was with someone else, completely regardless if he were my worst enemy or not?

I realized it didn't matter that he was a vampire. It didn't matter that he had left her and hurt her. The only thing that mattered was that he was with her now and because of it, any chance that I ever would be was gone.

_You'll move on Jacob Black_, I heard the voice in my head say. I didn't know if it were Sam's or mine; for all I knew, it could have been any one of the pack's. I just knew it was true, it had to be true. Otherwise, it wouldn't be the beast inside of me that was going to kill me but the heart ache.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: A continuation of Jacob's thoughts because today has begun horribly and I need an outlet. Also, there seems to be a plot brewing. Perhaps this will move beyond a bit of angst. Enjoy!

The sad yet ever necessary disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon, or at least in the sense that counts.

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I opened my eyes to find the sun rising against the ever hazy sky of Forks. Dawn: the sign of a new day. However new it was, though, it didn't prevent the misery of the night before from filling me once more.

Bella wasn't mine. This dismal thought overshadowed any other I had. I felt weak for the pain it caused me. I knew that to seek love that would never be reciprocated was a useless venture. I knew it was true, but yet… knowing the truth and believing it were different. I still harbored a hope, a hope that someday things would be different. But someday wasn't today. There was more to Jacob Black than a love for Bella Swan. The beauty and the beast were never meant to be, for in this instance, there was no reversal for my fate, no way that love, even if it were there, could break the curse. I had a life that was entirely my own, with or without her. Being without her was painful, but not impossible. I felt my resolve strengthen…but with one thought, one imagining of her face, it was gone.

I dwelt on my memories with her, the defining moments of our friendship. Was there a moment that I would take back? A moment that, if it had happened differently, would have somehow thrust our relationship beyond the confines of mere friendship?

I reflected on our first meeting at La Push after she had moved to Forks. Did I regret telling her the legends that day? I knew that somehow I was responsible for her revelation on the truth of _his_ nature… had I served to only provide her with what was to be an inevitable discovery, or had I served to help her realize something that she may have never stumbled upon herself? Would _he_ have ever told her? Would _he_ have been too afraid to tell her the truth and have ignored her instead of bringing his dark demons into her life? The thought that I had provided the key to an understanding between them pained me, but I couldn't regret informing her. If nothing else, I had warned her of a danger that existed. I shuddered at the thought that a relationship could have progressed between them without her being aware of the danger, even if I at the time had no idea of the truth.

Did I regret going to the dance and seeing her again, secretly harboring an infatuation that grew to be so much more? No. That night had been a building block to the foundation of our friendship. To regret that night would be to regret any further involvement with Bella. Further involvement… did I regret helping her when he had left? In a way, I did. It was just… if I hadn't helped, if she had wallowed in that misery, all broken, would her despair have eventually turned to anger and hatred? Would she have still taken him back? She would be safer if she hated him as she should, if she had turned away from him when he returned. Even if I couldn't have her, was it selfish to wish that he didn't either? Even if it were for her own well-being?

But he did! He did have her! I had to come to terms with it. No selfish, or unselfish, thoughts were going to change it. But somehow, even if he did have her and her love, I still felt she had a place for me. Somehow, I felt like a pivotal piece in Bella's life. My involvement somehow marked the steps of her involvement with the bloodsucker, as if I was meant to fill in the gaps. Could I be happy with that?

If I were to be deprived of her love, there existed no reason that I should also be deprived of her presence. Her friendship, even before my realization that I loved her, was what was important. She understood me. She was what had helped me come to terms with my monstrosity, even if she did it unconsciously. The due that I owed Sam and the rest of them for helping me was nothing compared to what I owed her. The joy I attained from the different facets of being a werewolf – the speed, the strength – first originated from the realization that I could protect others, most importantly her.

There was no reason why we couldn't just be friends, if one could ignore the omnipresent shadow of hostility between werewolves and the Cold Ones. Bella was in the midst of a conflict she had no control over, this conflict between monsters. She shouldn't have to be punished because of what we were. _Neither should we_, I thought sadly to myself.

I grudgingly got up from the mossy bed on which I had fallen asleep and realized with a start that there was a voice in my head. I thought sullenly, _Will I never be alone with my thoughts again?_

_What Sam?_

_Where are you? I've got news…_

_In…the forest. What news?_

_The red-head one, Victoria, is back_

_WHERE? WHERE IS SHE?_

_She's not on our land, Jacob._

_We have to do something_

_It's up to…them. We can't break the treaty, Jacob._

I was fuming – angry at Sam, angry at the bloodsuckers, angry at myself. How had she returned undetected? I ignored whatever Sam was telling me; he was either trying to calm me down or ordering me not to do anything against the treaty. I had to do something. I began running, running towards Bella's house. As I ran, I thought and, unfortunately, came to only one conclusion. I had to see _him_.

If he truly loved her, he would be the only one to fully understand the urgency of protecting her.

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A/N: I originally intended to focus this story solely on Jacob and his feelings, but I've decided to explore the possibility of a one-on-one conversation between Jacob and Edward. Hence, there should be a little tension, and hopefully some understandings reached, in the next chapter. Bye for now!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon.

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I didn't want to do this. How could I talk to _him_? I had to, though. I had to talk to him, and only him. I didn't want Bella to worry unnecessarily. If the red-head came within a hundred foot radius of her, I knew I would be there to protect her, and, no matter our differences, I had a feeling he would be, too.

I slowed to a human walking pace as I approached the house. I became filled with dread and hesitation. How was I to get his attention and convince him that I only wanted to warn him? I knew he could read minds, but would he believe I was trying to trick him, trying to lure him with thoughts of Bella in danger? No, he had to know me better than that. I shuddered at the thought of putting Bella in imagined danger when there was already so much to worry about.

Maybe I didn't need to warn him. I began thinking to myself about the bloodsucker. What if this is what _he_ wanted? What if he was in cahoots with the red-head, looking to "off" Bella for all that she knew about his family and their inhuman nature? Had he left Bella to face this demon alone and then returned not out of love but rather to ensure that we, the werewolves, the protectors, couldn't save her by restricting our patrol to our own lands? He could intentionally be allowing her to be in danger while seemingly doing nothing wrong – besides existing. I trembled violently with these thoughts, more at the realization, though, of the untruths that polluted them rather at the possibility of them being true. He loved her, I knew, as much as…. she loved him.

I took a deep breath, struggling to calm myself. There was nothing to worry about. I was there to give a warning, a polite, heartfelt warning. At a bare minimum, I only need to tell the bloodsucker that the other bloodsucker who actually wanted to do some blood sucking was in the area. Ugh.

I settled on climbing the same tree I had before. I assumed that he would still be lying next to her and I could only hope he would catch the tenor of my thoughts if he didn't hear my approach. I was startled to find, however, upon reaching the branch level to Bella's room that Edward was not by her side, but rather at the window staring off into the forest, he face etched with pain. The grief and hurt I saw there mirrored my own feelings and I felt an unexpected wave of sympathy. We were mutually hurting, and though I could not fathom the reason for his pain, I understood it. It was then that we made eye contact.

I was startled by the black orbs that I was met with. I couldn't help wonder if they had been that color earlier, surely I would have noticed. The time it took me to wonder, though, was all the time it took him to disappear. I looked down to see him at the base of my tree and I leapt down to meet him.

"Hello, Jacob," he said, his voice quiet. I straightened up from the crouch I had landed in. At full height, I noticed that I was considerably taller than him, more so than I had thought. He apparently read my mind. His eyebrow quirked up and he questioned, "Considerably?"

I laughed. It was a light laugh, not entirely heartfelt, but I suddenly seemed more at ease. I still, however, rushed through my words.

"Sam contacted me a little bit ago. The red-head, Victoria, is back. She's not on our land, so there's nothing we can do, but I wanted to warn you. I wasn't sure if you were aware she was back and I just didn't want Bella to be left unprotected. You have to know that we would help if we could. Sam and the pack know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt Bella intentionally, but we have to keep the treaty in mind. I know we aren't supposed to be on your land, but I had to make sure and tell you that…" I took a deep breath. I was completely rambling. I shook my head, trying to sort my thoughts. I had come here for one reason: tell the bloodsucker that the red-head was about. That's all. There was nothing more that needed to be said.

He seemed to notice the end of my announcement, for he looked at me and said, "Thank you. Alice visited a bit ago to mention that she had seen Victoria on the prowl in a vision, but your concern is appreciated. It's… nice to know that Bella has friends that love her."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. My mortal, or I guess more appropriately immortal, enemy had just thanked me for my concern? Had he actually said that he was glad that I cared about Bella? I couldn't help asking, "Why?"

"Why? Bella… seems to attract more trouble than she can handle." He chuckled humorlessly. "Perhaps it is best that she knows both vampires and werewolves. Balances things out a bit, I guess. Though," he stopped, seemingly struggling with whatever he wanted to say, "I'd… prefer if you could limit your time with Bella to when I'm not around. It's not going to be often, but I'd hardly call you and I being together comfortable and I trust you to… well, keep in form around her. I know you…care about her. It'd be best for us to be on good terms, for her sake."

I full-heartedly agreed. Within those few words, he had managed to sum up my feelings exactly. Yes, we were enemies. He hadn't said it in as many words, but he had admitted it all the same. However, he was promising me time with Bella. I could still be her friend. It meant more to me than he would ever know, even if he could read my thoughts.

"So you'll keep an eye out for the red-head?"

"Of course," he said simply, but the sincerity was impossible to miss.

I'm not quite sure what possessed me, but I offered my hand. He seemed slightly startled, but a smile crossed his lips and he took mine and shook it. In the past, I had always associated "coldness" with people who were distant from one another; cold was alien to the warmth felt between friends. At that moment, though, his unnaturally cold hand was an overwhelming symbol of amity.


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